How a Simple Quiz Changed the Way I See Myself
Letting go of Self-Hate and discovering Self-Love
I was casually minding my business, going through my morning routine, when Google interrupted me with a perfectly curated list of articles to read. As always, I was tempted—reading through the headlines and fighting the urge to dive in. I only opened the Google app to go through my 40 Rabbana duas and complete my morning routine. This is the battle I face every morning before reaching my morning duas. I should probably memorize them—where’s the time, though?
Anyway, this morning, I gave in and found myself reading an article where the writer briefly mentioned a quiz called The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. What caught my attention was the idea that the quiz tells you how you respond to expectations—what actually drives you? As someone deeply passionate about self-knowledge, I took the bait. And what I discovered wasn’t a surprise, but I think that’s the beauty of self-help quizzes. They add structure to what you already sense about yourself, creating an added layer of awareness.
Here’s what I learned: I don’t really care about other people’s expectations. Even if I do, it’s not enough to drive me to action. The second realization hit harder—I’ve linked my self-worth to discipline and accomplishments. No wonder I’ve always felt like a failure. My standards for myself have been so high that, on a daily basis, I failed. My expectations were so extreme that my mind and willpower couldn’t even be bothered to try. Honestly, I laughed at the absurdity when I realized this.
As a Questioner (my quiz result), I focus entirely on my own inner expectations. Each one must be carefully vetted, tested, and researched before I accept it. But once I do, the bar I set to “pass” is ridiculous.
The moment I realized how unrealistic my expectations for myself were, my life became so much more beautiful. I hadn’t even realized the depth of self-hate I’d cultivated from my chronic sense of failure. And it wasn’t failure in the big things—it was the little, daily failures that compounded faster than the big, infrequent ones.
Letting go of the connection between my self-worth, my expectations, and my goals has allowed me to discover self-love, compassion, patience, and—most importantly—fun.
So, I’d invite you to take this quiz. I’ll add that lightbulb moments tend to build on each other. This quiz was profound for me because of other revelations I’ve had over time, which all seemed to conspire to make this particular insight transformative. If you take the quiz and only uncover something you already knew, don’t dismiss it. That small moment of clarity could be a stepping stone to an even bigger breakthrough.